So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
