this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
