I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
