At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
What a dumb baby whore.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
