Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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