I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
