all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
