you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
