She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
