Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
