I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
