I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
