Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
