I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize