The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
