Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+49): View more from Germany

i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.

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(770): View more from Georgia

and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it

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(919): View more from North Carolina

So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

And that worked?

(919): View more from North Carolina

9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.

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(269): View more from Michigan

I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.

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(206): View more from Washington

In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth

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(716): View more from New York

Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood

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(510): View more from California

I have photo proof.

(415): View more from California

Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.

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