I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
