Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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