i don't like sucking hair
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
