just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
