Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
