Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
