guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
