I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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