I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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