I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
