using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
