Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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