im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
