You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
