Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
