that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
