the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
