He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
