I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
