Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
