hotel room ftw
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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