A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
