I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
