im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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