is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
