i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize