Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
