So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize