So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
