I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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