When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
