My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i think my cat just said my name.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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