sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
