You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
