dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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