I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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