Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
