Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
