Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
