i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
