So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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