Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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