Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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