Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
