my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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