Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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