Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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