I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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