never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
