The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize