A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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