college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize