He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
