the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
