If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
