miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You pole danced in your parka.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
