don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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